Were you ever having a normal conservation with someone that you care about and they flipped out on you, but you had NO IDEA why?
No matter how conscious and self-aware we intend to be, sometimes, things go completely missed by us. If this is a naturally occurring event for you sometimes the solution could be introspection but if it’s not, this is an opportunity to assess the situation and maybe even deepen your connection.
In general, any time someone displays a strong emotion towards you, it is worth picking apart. Disclaimer: The answer is not always as simple as, she/he was angry with me and started screaming or he/she was sad about something I did and this resulted in tears. In episode seven, we talked about how emotions are determined by our thoughts and how each influence our actions. So, as I always say, take the time to get curious about what your loved one is thinking. What must be going on in their mind that produces such a strong emotion? How would you label the emotion that was projected by them? What did they say to you?
The purpose of this episode is to shed some light for when we get caught in these situations of missing something going on in our relationships, romantic or platonic. We always want to be in tune. I know not all of us care to be in tune with everyone and everything but in tune with the people we choose to have close to us, right?
But naturally, everyday, even minute by minute in the fast-paced world we live in, we can be met with a number of distractions. I say that word without any negative connotation. Because a distraction is just something that draws away our attention, right? The truth is, we have worthy causes that distract us temporarily from our relationships. The things that we focus on. The things that we are building and preparing for, be it for our families, our community and ourselves can sometimes consume us and our attention. Isn’t it crazy how the things we are pursuing to give a better quality of life to our partners and ourselves can sometimes feel like a cause of strain in our relationships? Well we run into issues when we fail to do genuine check ins on each other.
I always recommend having open communication in your relationship. But in addition to this, make a habit of having a heart to heart check-up with your partner and reflection time for yourself. This is not about laying down expectations for anyone but about communicating each other’s feelings on a regular basis. Pay attention to how you act towards one another and determine if both of your behaviors serve the relationship.
In episode one, I asked, what is your story? So, remember that everyone is telling themselves a story about different aspects of their life, every day. Everyone has a story about who they are and about their relationships. Believe it or not, they are even telling themselves a story about how YOU behave in the relationship and what YOUR actions or words mean. Now that you are embarking on your own self-discovery journey, you are becoming more and more aware of your own values allowing you to gain compassion for yourself…an understanding of yourself. Think about how you would apply this kind of thinking outside of yourself, to your partner or friend. Ask yourself, what could they be thinking that makes them feel so strongly in this way? Is this emotion that surfaced one that always shows itself in the relationship and just may be magnified in this moment or could it be a compound of other feelings? Now do NOT ask your partner this. These are questions to ask yourself first. These questions prepare your mind and your heart to be able to assess the circumstances with your partner/friend as a team.
As always, visit lifecoachhoney.com to submit your questions and experiences in the Ask Honey section. You can also shoot me an email at coaching@woodsdomllc.com .
I have been Coach Honey,
Peace and love